A couple of months ago, I was reorganizing drawers in the kitchen, and it struck me just how much of Caleb had creeped into our neat, pre-kid lives. It was something silly. I opened the utensil drawer to take stock of what we had and do a little spring cleaning, and the contrast of our dark-handled flatware alongside all of Caleb's brightly colored utensils was just really poignant to me. Obviously I have children. I know this because there are toys strewn about the house, and the laundry is filled with tiny socks and tiny underwear and because I spend more of my days talking about superheroes than I ever thought imaginable. But it was in that utensil drawer that the scope of motherhood really hit me. It was then that I realized just how much motherhood had changed me. That drawer represented our lives before Caleb, and with Caleb in it. Before having children, everything was neat, and uniform, and orderly. We picked up the house and it stayed picked up for longer than 5 minutes. We made a schedule for the day and we could stick to it. We made plans and didn't have to throw them out the window because a little one woke up sick. I could get home from work and watch whatever TV shows I wanted, or go to the gym, or take a nap. Generally, I had my life together. But eventually, that life was a little bit empty, and our souls ached for something more. I remember watching TV with Eddie one day and saying to him, "Our house is lovely, but you know what's missing? The sound of tiny feet on the wood floors." And after kids? Like the drawer, life is colorful. It might be messy, but it's filled with joy and color and laughter. Life has changed, and so have I. I've learned to embrace the toys and the color that appear in every corner of the house. I've learned that every day will be different, and that most will never go exactly as planned. I watch shows that make my child happy. I make a fool of myself to make my child laugh. I am stronger than I have ever been in my life - not because I go to the gym, but because I spend all day running around after a toddler, and carrying an infant seat around town. I don't nap most days, but I do value my rest like never before. Once highly insecure, I now know that there is nobody in the world who knows my children better than I do. I feel emotions with more intensity, and I am more fiercely protective of my family than I have ever been of anything. I have learned that our hearts can expand immeasurably, and love multiplies when you need it to. I am different, because my children have changed me. The house is filled with the sounds of little feet and little voices, and it was exactly what the house needed to feel full and complete. It took a silly drawer to come to that realization, but I'm so glad I did. Because instead of wishing for the life I once had, it made me recognize how much I have grown. And that drawer? I'm not quite sure I'll ever have the heart to reorganize it. xoxo, Jenise Did you enjoy this post on motherhood? If so, be sure to check out the posts linked below. These ladies are all amazing and they have their own thoughts on motherhood that I'm sure you will enjoy! Justine @ Little Dove Blog
Sierra @ Beautifully Candid Bethany @ Waves & Lilacs Mary Leigh @ Live Well Play Together Whitney @ Work It Mommy Shani @ Sunshine & Munchkins Katie @ Thrifty Wife Happy Life Tamara @ Tamara Bratton Blog 5/7/2018 01:59:03 pm
So well said! I often think about my life before having kids - how much better in control I felt like I was, how I had it together and could be so flexible. I loved this sweet post! A friend of mine who doesn't have kids recently walked into my cluttered home, with the presence of children in every room, and commented on how she loves that you can immediately tell that kids live there and that it just seemed like a happy home. It's drastically different from our pre-kid lives, but so much better.
Whitney
5/7/2018 04:04:37 pm
Bless those two sweet babes! I agree with you, that utensil drawer really is a poignant picture.
I love this perspective. The reminders of time before kids comes at me at unexpected moments as well. Every time I drive by a cyclist I feel a little pang because life before kids was a life where I could get up, get on my bike and just go wherever my legs could take me. Now, I have to carefully plan that time and more often than not, my bike sits in storage getting dusty because I would rather spend that time snuggling with the kids in bed and because I consider that if something were to happen to me, my very young kids would be left without their mom and I can’t do that to them. 11/4/2018 07:38:28 pm
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