Okay, I'm going to come out and say it. I'm not thin. I'm actually on the heavier side. And you know what? At this point in my life, I don't care.
I have never been extraordinarily thin. Not in my entire life. Even in elementary/middle school - I was never overweight, but I always felt like I was just a little bit bigger than the other girls. I danced ballet most of my childhood, and I always felt like I was the biggest girl in class. Call it what you will, but I have always been self-conscious. My parents are both on the thin side, not because it is naturally occurring but because they have always been extra careful with what they eat.
My size never stopped me from feeling beautiful - I will be honest about that. I have always known that I am intelligent and kind and loving and that I have a pretty enough face that my weight didn't ever make me feel like I wasn't worth something. I don't mean to sound conceited, but it's the truth, and I'm all about truth these days.
When I was younger, though, I did beat myself up a little bit about my weight. I always felt like I should be thinner, or like I could do a little more for my health. And you know what? Those thoughts will never leave me.
But life and experience have taught me that I don't need to be perfect and my body doesn't need to be tiny. There will be time to put in the work for a better body in the days to come. But for now, I'm proud of what my body is and what it has achieved.
This body has accomplished some incredible things. My stomach may be soft, and it may be covered in stretch marks. But I grew a child inside of me. He went from being a mass of cells to this crying, breathing, living human. I gave birth to him. Do you know how miraculous that is, momma? You gave LIFE to another human. Do you ever stop to think about that? That in and of itself is enough to make me stop beating myself up over my body.
I remember looking at my pregnant body in the mirror and being completely awestruck by the sight. I remember thinking that it was the most beautiful I had ever felt, and it truly was one of the times I would come to cherish. It took us a little while to get pregnant, and that feeling that my body had finally done what it was meant to do just blew my mind.
And my body didn't just create a life and help it come into this world, it then managed to completely sustain it for the first 6 months of life. So my breasts may be soft and they may not sit up high on my chest, but these boobies kept my son alive. Knowing that I was able to keep my son thriving because of what my body was producing for him was one of the most empowering feelings I have ever felt. Nursing for me, especially in those first months, was the ultimate definition of "girl power".
Truthfully, since I became pregnant, I have never looked at my body and thought "Ugh" again. Because I know that this body created and sustained a miracle.
Becoming a Mother gave me confidence I never knew existed.
Do I have doubts sometimes? Yes! All the time! Do I ever wish I could lose "just 10 pounds"? Um, obviously. But I also know that I am a work in progress. And one day, I will focus on getting my pre-Mommy body back.
But today, I will love my body. I will honor it and treat it with respect, because my body has done incredible things. My body is nothing short of a miracle. And yours is too.
Go ahead and love yourself, Mama.
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